MASH
by Darling Pretty
Summary: When Callie makes Addison a MASH, Addison angers the MASH gods. And you don't want to anger the MASH gods because they'll do something like making everything on your MASH come true. And Addison's MASH? It involves Alex Karev. Addex. Oneshot.


**I took a Mental Health Day today. I think writing fluffy Addex stories is _very _beneficial to my mental health. Plus, I wanted to make up for the depressing turn A&EA has taken, so I figured this is pretty good.**

**I don't know if MASH is just a California thing or what, so here's a basic synopsis: It's a game used to predict the future. MASH stands for Mansion, Apartment, Shack, and House. And then you list four options beneath categories like Husband, Where You Live, Car, Pet, Number of Children... It can go on forever. Anyways, then you basically choose a random number and you count every option off, and by process of elimination, you find out your whole future. I spent _hours _playing this game with my friends.**

**I don't own these characters or MASH.**

* * *

Callie and Addison look at each other in horror as the elevator grinds to a dead stop. "Seriously?" Addison groans.

"You've been spending too much time around those interns," Callie smirks. "You're starting to sound like Izzie Stevens."

Addison gasps. "Take that back!" she laughs. The two women stare at each other. Addison concedes, "I guess that there are worse people to get stuck in an elevator with. Alex Karev, for example."

"George O'Malley," Callie scoffs.

"Are you mad at him again?" Addison asks incredulously. "Weren't you just mad at him last week?"

"I wouldn't have to be mad if he would just stop doing things to piss me off! But I don't want to talk about him. I want to talk about you and the lines of deliciousness."

"I am _not _sleeping with Alex Karev!" Addison insists. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Your MASH says otherwise," Callie taunts.

"My _what_?"

"Your MASH."

"As in my childhood game for predicting the future? Why do I have a MASH?"

"I got bored," Callie explains with a shrug. She pulls a paper out of her bag and shoves it towards Addison. "Here."

"You _carry _my MASH around with you? Why are you such a creepy stalker?!"

"I'm not creepy. I did this like five minutes ago."

"The fact that you made a MASH for me at all automatically makes you a creepy stalker," Addison replies.

"Fine, so you don't get to see it," Callie retorts and snatches the paper.

"Give me that," Addison demands and grabs it. She glances over it quickly. "You really went all out,' she comments.

"I was really bored!" Callie defends herself quickly.

"But me and Karev? Really? And my other choices were Derek, Mark, and that one creepy guy from dermatology? Seriously?"

"You know, you really shouldn't be mean and call that guy creepy. He has a name, you know."

"Callie, you wrote the words 'that one creepy guy from dermatology'."

"Well, I don't _know_ his name!" Callie exclaims defensively.

Addison laughs and returns her gaze to the paper. "Married in LA, living in Seattle," she reads. "Really? Why did we get married in LA?"

"Is there a column for Reason Marriage Location Chosen? No? Then how should I know?"

"Why'd you choose LA?"

"LA is sunny. And didn't you say that you have friends in LA?"

"You're doing the weird stalker thing again."

"Oh, hush up."

"Well, at least I get to get married in an ivory dress, instead of a chartreuse one. Chartreuse, Callie? What is wrong with you?"

"You have to have _some _ridiculous options. You know that's how you play the game, Addison!"

"I think you just really wanted to see me end up married to the creepy guy from dermatology in the Himalayas in a chartreuse gown."

"That may have been a contributing factor, yes."

Addison shakes her head and laughs at her friend. "Sometimes I don't know why I talk to you," she grins.

"Because I do things like make you a MASH."

"Two kids? I guess that I'll just be happy that I didn't end up with fourteen. But seriously, yeah right."

"It could happen!"

"Callie, two kids would necessitate Alex and I having sex. Twice, at the very least. Not happening."

"It could happen," Callie repeats.

"Doubt it."

"I doubt you," Callie taunts.

Addison rolls her eyes, but returns her attention to the paper. "Oh, good, we have a dog. I'm sure Alex will be _thrilled _about that. What's next? A white picket fence and a tire swing?"

"No," Callie scoffs. "I clearly didn't have the time or space for landscaping choices!"

"You're a freak," Addison comments fondly. "Well, at least I got chocolate cake for my wedding. That is a must."

"And look," Callie says, pointing to the top of the paper, where the H in MASH and the heart is circled. "You live in a house and you got married for love. Sweet, ain't it?"

Addison bursts out laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"You!"

"I don't get it."

Addison manages to calm down enough to reply. "The idea of me and Alex Karev in love…" She can't keep it together and starts cracking up again without finishing her sentence.

"You just wait, Addison Montgomery," Callie tells her. "You've probably angered the MASH gods by laughing so hard. Everything on this MASH is now going to come true. All because you're an idiot."

"Even the me driving a mini-van?"

"Even the you driving a mini-van."

Addison is laughing too hard to respond and by the time she's done laughing, the elevator has started moving again.

0ooo0

She moves to LA six months later, her heart broken by four little words. _You're not my girlfriend. _Stupid interns and their stupid complications. Well, she was stupid for ever getting involved.

Almost a month after she moves, she opens the door to something she thought she'd never see. Alex Karev, standing on her front porch. With flowers.

"What the hell?" is the first thing out of her mouth.

"Get dressed," he commands. She stares at him blankly. "I mean it. Go get dressed."

Another blank stare and then Addison finds her voice. "No."

"Addison, stop being stubborn."

She crosses her arms and shifts her weight to pop her hip defiantly. The woman is clearly going nowhere. "Why?"

"Because we're going out," he replies.

She rewards him with a harsh bark of laughter. "I don't know what planet _you _live on, but _no_, we are not!"

He exhales noisily. "Would you please just do it?"

"Oh, well, now that you've said please…" she bites.

"Addison-"

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing here?" she cuts him off.

"I, um."

"Go away, Karev. I meant what I said. To me, you suck. And I don't want to see you again."

"Addison!" he finally yells over her. "I'm trying to apologize, okay? This is the only way I know how to do it, so would you just let me finish?!"

"Why?" she asks. "Why should I? What possible motivation could I have for letting you apologize?"

He gives her a dull look. "I brought flowers," he says as if it should be obvious.

"Oh, he brings flowers and says please!" she laughs bitterly. "No wonder he gets e_veryone _to sleep with him! Too bad they realize what a stupid mistake _that _is!"

She can see that one actually hurts him and relents a little. She sighs. "Sorry."

"No, I deserved that," he replies.

"Yeah, well," she says and motions for him to continue.

"Would you please just come with me?"

"Where?"

"I don't know. It's your city."

Addison raises an eyebrow. "You don't have a plan?"

He shrugs. "Didn't get that far."

"So what are you doing here?" she asks for what feels like the eight zillionth time.

He rubs his brow nervously. "I was wrong. Before. You're… crazy. And infuriating. And I can't get you out of my head. Which sucks. But.... I-I don't think I want to get you out."

She bites her lip. "What about Ava?"

"You wanted me to want her, so I tried. And… I couldn't. Because of you."

She stares at him for a moment before she sighs and grabs the flowers out of his hands. "Where are we going?"

0ooo0

When Callie finds out that Alex is moving to LA, she emails Addison a typed up copy of the MASH. Addison rolls her eyes and takes the opportunity to inform her that the fact that she kept the MASH makes her even more of a creepy stalker than the fact that she made the MASH in the first place.

When Callie finds out that Alex and Addison are getting married, she takes the opportunity to fly down to LA to sing very smugly, "I told you so". Addison replies that just because she is getting married in an ivory dress with chocolate cake in LA to Alex Karev does not mean that everything from her MASH is going to come true. She holds her ground even when she and Alex decide to move back to Seattle and buy a house near Meredith Grey's. Even though the house has a white picket fence.

But then they get a puppy. Well, Addison gets a puppy and Alex agrees to let her get a puppy, provided the thing isn't Cujo. But in any case, they get a sweet-natured black Labrador and name her Bucket (it's a long story involving a literal bucket). Callie checks yet another item off her list and Addison rolls her eyes.

Callie insists that everything on her MASH is going to come true. Addison insists that she will _never, ever _drive a mini-van.

0ooo0

"Alex?" Addison calls with just a hint of panic in her voice. She doesn't get an answer. "Alex!"

"What?" he calls back. They've been married for just over a year now.

"Can you come here? Please?"

He gets up off of the couch and heads towards the bedroom. But she's not there. "Addison?"

"Bathroom!"

He goes into their master bathroom and is surprised to find her on the floor, leaning against the wall, her knees drawn to her chest. "Dude, what are you doing?"

She looks up at him and glares. "Don't you dare make fun of me right now, Alexander Karev. I will hurt you."

"Are you okay? Are you mad at me or something?"

Addison sighs. "No, and that's a miracle considering what you've done."

He gives her a blank stare. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm pregnant, Alex," she announces.

He sits down next to her. After a minute, he asks, "What?"

"I'm pregnant."

"What?"

"I'm not saying that a third time."

Bucket pads into the room, looking for her owners and clambers onto Addison's lap. "Hi, baby doll," she croons to the dog, scratching her ear. Bucket is just starting to grow and she's at the point where both her legs and ears are too big for the rest of her. Essentially, the dog is the most adorably awkward thing to ever walk the earth and ridiculously attached to Addison.

"Addison, can we get back to the pregnancy thing?" Alex asks.

"What about it?" she asks.

"Well… what are you feeling?"

"I don't… I don't know," she replies. "Scared, I guess. Happy."

"Scared?"

She looks at him. "We have a good thing, Alex. And it's stupid to think that… this would ruin it or something… And I'm happy, Alex. I really am. But… What do you think? We haven't really talked about it. I mean, are you… What are you thinking?"

He kisses her. "I'm thinking I don't know what you're talking about. This isn't going to ruin anything."

"You're not bolting?"

He shakes his head, not deigning to respond that dumb question with a verbal response.

She smiles and visibly relaxes. "Then I can be happy."

0ooo0

When Elizabeth is born, Callie asks them how soon she can expect the next one—the last thing besides the minivan to check off on Addison's MASH, which is now taped to the inside of Addison's locker at the hospital. Addison laughs and quickly responds that her husband is never, _ever, ever _coming within a ten foot radius her again. Callie laughs hysterically at Alex's nervous laughter.

She laughs even harder when, on Elizabeth's first birthday, Addison announces that she's three months pregnant. Addison glares and rolls her eyes when Callie whispers, "I knew you wouldn't keep your legs closed. You know what this means, right?"

"No. What?" Addison asks, even though she knows exactly what is about to be said.

"Your MASH was completely right," Callie replies, completely smug.

"You're a jerk, Callie Torres. And not completely. I still don't drive a minivan."

"You just wait. You just wait."

0ooo0

Elena is born on her due date. She will be punctual for the rest of her life, unlike her older sister who will always be running at least ten minutes late.

Three years later, Elizabeth starts dancing and it's something she will continue through college. And when Elena starts playing soccer, Addison realizes that her little car just isn't going to cut it anymore. So, with incredible disdain, she buys an SUV. At least it's not a minivan. Callie doesn't see the difference and makes fun of her for it anyways.

And somewhere way beyond any realm of human perception, the MASH gods all laugh uncontrollably at the havoc they've managed to wreak on Addison Montgomery-Karev's life.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed!**

**-Juli-**


End file.
